Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i think i just lost a toe
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
