yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
