Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
