Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
