Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
