He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
