Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im holly from the hills drunk
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
