I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
