I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
