He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
