he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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