i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
