Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
