tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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