got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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