My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
