I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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