The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
