My nipple is on Facebook.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Randomize
