I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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