I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
