I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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