3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
