people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
How's work?
Spinning.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
