I hate your face
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
