my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
