seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
