Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
