I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
