I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
