I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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