Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
