The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
