wat bout pragnant strippers??
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
