this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
