We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
