It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
