I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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