Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
