and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
