You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
