Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
