She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
