3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
