I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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