let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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