Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
