i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have post one night stand depression
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
