you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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