your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
