Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
